It's Not As Easy As You Think

10.8 weeks. 76 days. 1824 hours. 109,440 minutes. That's how long I have been furloughed from work due to the coronavirus pandemic. Tomorrow I go back to work and I feel more sad than happy. I thought I would be really excited to get back to work, get back to some kind of normality, and start earning my full wage again. 

But...

I've had 76 full days with my children. Sure, they drive me crazy sometimes but this is the most time I have ever spent with them. Even when they were born I only got 2 weeks with each of them. now I've had almost 11 weeks off work and I've been able to watch my children change over this time. I've watched them grow. 

Even though there is a lot of shit going on because of the virus, I'm grateful for this time. I'll never get this again. A general working day for me involves me getting up around 5:30am for work and then I get back home around 5pm. This gives me a few hours a night to spend with the kids, so having all this time and then going back to "normal" is a big change.

I'm going to miss them like crazy. It feels harder now than it did when I had to go back after my paternity leave. 

I know that I need to go back to work, I want to provide fully for my family and not be bailed out by anyone. I realise that if I hadn't been getting any wages then I would've done anything to find a job, which is something I would always do. I've been at work since I was 16 and barring holiday time I have barely ever been off work for any other reason. 

I'm sure after being back for a few days it'll feel like nothing has changed and ill slot back into my old working ways as normal.

It doesn't make it any easier today though.

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